Remembering Our Sweet Girl

    December 20th is fast approaching.  This is the day our Alana went home to be with the Lord.  Part of me does not want that day to come.  It is hard to explain the loss and the pain in words.  Then there are days when I feel like I can get through that day like a champ.  Everyday I have to ask God for His strength and to fill my mind with happy memories of my Alana Kay.

     The other day I spoke with the Transplant Coordinator at Mt Sinai Hospital where Alana was a patient.  We were both reminiscing about the fun times we all had with Alana while she was in the hospital.  One of the things she remembered about Alana was the way Alana squinted her eyes before her picture was to be taken.  Just talking about Alana helped me remember those sweet moments.  In my mind I am still stuck on my daughter's last days and I do not want to be stuck there anymore.  The picture above is what I want to be in my mind.

     Last night I was lying in bed remembering how much my sweet Alana had suffered.  Unimaginable suffering, in every detail!  At that split moment I was glad that she no longer is suffering.  She is whole and with Jesus.  But I miss her more that words can ever tell.  I would give anything to have her back in my arms.  I want to hold her, smell her, stroke her beautiful hair and tell her how much I love her.  At least I know that when I die someday I will see my "girly girl" again.

   My husband and I do have a request of those of you who can help.  We have not yet been able to get "Alana's Bubbles for Joy Foundation" started yet, but we do want to do something for the children at Connecticut Children's Hospital and the Kravis Children's Hospital in NY.  If you can donate bubbles or bubble toys in memory of Alana Kay and send them to our home, we will get the bubbles to both hospitals.  You can reach either myself or my husband through this blog, FB or email.  Alana loved her bubbles and I know she would be pleased to see other children enjoy bubbles too.

   Thank you for your continued prayers.  God is good.

Family Update

I'm sorry it has been such a long time since I have posted on my blog.  It has been crazy and there is no end in sight.  This time of year for me seems to be quite busy.  I am homeschooling and coaching volleyball.  The homeschooling is going very well.  It's a lot of work but I enjoy teaching.  As for volleyball, the season is half done.  We so far have an undefeated season.  The girls have worked hard this season.  It's been fun.  I hope we can go undefeated for the whole season, that would be fun.  Just don't tell the girls I said that!

Ashlee is doing great at college.  She informs me often that she loves college and loves FL.  I am very happy for her, but miss her dearly.  Ash, definitely is doing much better than I am about her being away.  Right now Ashlee is in the middle of midterms.  Her studies have been going well especially her music.  She is doing a lot of singing.  This month she is preparing for her Opera Theater performance.  I wish I could go to see that performance.

Here are some pictures of our trip to FL when we took Ashlee to college:

 

As you can see, the trip to FL was a blast.  We spent time at my grandmothers, went to the beach, visited the college and stayed at my friend, Cara's house.  The little's ones were great and did very well in the car to and from FL.  It was a long drive!!!

Please continue to pray for the foundation that my husband and I want to start in Alana's memory.  It is called, Alana's Bubbles for Joy Foundation.  A woman's  auxillary did donate money to CT Children's Medical Center for bubbles and bubble toys in Alana's name.  This is exactly what we want to do with the foundation.

Also, please continue to pray for Eithene Rose, she is only four and continues to struggle with serious health issues.  If you can also pray for our family as we will be opening up our home to a new baby boy with many health issues.

God is good

American Liver Foundation

This Sunday I will be walking for the American Liver Foundation. I will be walking for the cause in memory of my daughter, Alana Kay. Alana had sever liver disease and at some point in her life would have needed a liver transplant also. This is a cause near and dear to my heart. My research on the liver needs to be done. Please support the cause if you are able. Thank you for your support.

American Liver Foundation

Florida!!

   We are having a great time in FL.  It was a very, very, very long drive from CT to FL.  My husband and I drove straight through to FL.  The two little ones did excellent in the car, even my 18 year old daughter, Ashlee did a great job with such a long trip.

   It took us almost 30 hrs do get to my Grandmother's house in Port Charlotte, FL.  First of all we had to pull a UHaul behind us (5x8), that was interesting.  In Virginia was sat in traffic for 2 hours.  That was not fun!  When we got into Georgia early Tues. morning(3:30am) my husband and I had to stop at a rest area and sleep for a few hours.  It was not an easy drive.  Hopefully when we leave to go back home it will be a quicker drive.

   We will be leaving Ashlee here in FL Sunday evening to attend college at Southeastern University in Lakeland, FL.  That is going to be a tough day for all of us, especially her.  My heart feels like it is going to burst with sadness when I think about leaving her in FL.  I know at some point we have to let our children go, but it just seems so soon that she is leaving us.  Ashlee is excited for this next phase in her life, and a little apprehensive.  I am thankful that she is only an hour and a half from my Grandmother's house, twenty minutes from my friends house and she has three of her graduating classmates attending to same college.  There are plenty of people that she knows down here in FL.  She'll have a great time and I know the Lord has exciting things awaiting her.

   Ashlee's Detroit trip last month went well.  She said it was one of the best weeks of her life.  It was spiritually uplifting for her. As far as Ashlee's competition, she made it to the second round.  There were over 500 female vocal performers.  She was a little disappointed to not make it farther into the competition, but enjoyed the experience.

   I will post pictures from FL in my next update.  Please add Ashlee to your prayer list while she is away at college.

   God is good.

Off to Detroit!

   Our oldest daughter, Ashlee, just left for Detroit early this morning.  This is the trip I have written about in my earlier blogs.  She will be competing Tuesday morning in the female vocal solo group.  This is the largest group of competitors in the entire competition.  I believe it's about 500 girls.  Ashlee is very excited and nervous at the same time.  I know that she will do well!

   Once again my husband and I are signed up to do foster care again.  We are both ready to help more children.  We are praying for an infant that has some medical issues to come into our home.  This is where our hearts are at, to help children with medical issues.  We have taken care of three children with complex medical needs and adopted them.  We have watched them flourish and have watched them struggle.  We have even watched one of them pass away.  Every moment with the three of them has been worth it.  All three of them have enriched our families lives.  Even though we lost our Alana we know that she would want us to continue helping children with medical issues.

   I will keep you posted when a child does come into our home.  I was telling my husband the other day that we have had all kinds of children come into our home, sick and well.  But the only challenge we have never had is "twins".  Crazy, right!!!  Some of my friends say be careful what you wish for.  It would be fun.  Somebody's has to care for them, why not us.  I'm excited to see what the Lord has for us.

   Please pray  for Ashlee in Detroit this week and for us as we start foster care again.  Also we need prayers as we are trying to figure out how to start up Alana's foundation.

God is good.



 

This is Alana's marker that was designed by my husband and myself.  The etching of Alana in the center was created by my husband.  It was such a blessing to the both of us that he was able to do this for our daughter.  The marker was put in in March.  I felt that I could share it with you all now.  Our two younger children love going to visit their baby sister.  It is so sweet listening to them talk to her.

Sorry it has been so long since I have made an entry.  I have had a hard time this past month and could not think of what to say on my blog.  I have had to ask the Lord to please give me the strength each and everyday to carry on with everyday life.  God is good, despite my wavering from time to time.  We miss her more and more everyday, but we have the blessing of being able to see her again someday.  We love you sweet Alana!!!

We have been preparing these past few weeks in getting ready to take our oldest daughter, Ashlee to college.  We will be leaving Aug. 16th and driving her down to Florida.  One more month and then she is on her own, I can hardly believe it.  I told her we will be skyping everyday.  I need to see my girl!!

On August 1st Ashlee will be leaving for Detroit, MI for nationals in vocal solo.  I will not be able to go with her which is quite disappointing.  Please keep her in your prayers as she and the other contestants she is traveling with will have a safe trip.  I pray that she sings well and to God's honor and glory.

I have mentioned before about starting a foundation in Alana's honor called, "Alana's bubbles for Joy Foundation".  Well, I have run into a little road block.  It has turned out to be a little more than I had anticipated, especially financially.  It is still my desire and dream to get this foundation up and running at some point.  Please keep this in your prayers.  If anyone has any experience in this area or knows of anybody who can help get the foundation started please contact me.

Keep your children close and love them everyday, whether young or old.

God is good!

   My daughter's graduation on June 6, 2010 was wonderful.  The ceremony was perfect.  There were only eight seniors in the class which allowed the ceremony to be quite personal.  What a blessing it was.  Ashlee's great grandmother from FL and great aunt from CA flew to CT to see her graduate.  Talk about special, both Ashlee and I were very happy that both of them could make it.

  After the graduation, we had her grad party at our home.  WOW!!  There were at least 100 people if not more.  It was a little crazy at first.  People just kept coming and coming.  It was a neat thing to see that Ashlee had so many people that cared for her and loved her.

   Here are some pics:

   As you can see it was a wonderful day.  Thank you to all those who have supported and prayed for my Ashlee.  It is a day we will never forget.

   God is good.

Sorrow in the Midst of Life

                                       "The righteous cry, and the Lord heareth, and delivereth

                                       them out of all their troubles.  The Lord is nigh unto them

                                       that are of a broken heart, and saveth such as be of a

                                       contrite spirit."

                                                                      Psalms 34:17, 18

The other day I was standing on our deck and noticed the little neighbor girl swinging on her swing set.  She is the same age that Alana would be if she were still here.  I was imagining Alana swinging on a swing, laughing with each push of her swing.  The little girl soon got off the swing and started skipping and running around her yard.  How I wish that could have been Alana.  My mind was just filling with all of these, "what could have been."  Then that all familiar feeling started welling back into my heart, "Why God, how could you take my sweet Alana.  Why couldn't you make her better."

Just as quickly as those feelings welled up in my heart and mind, they were quickly replaced by God's sweet love for me and Alana.  In my heart I knew that Alana would probably never walk or skip about like your typical three year old.  Nor would Alana have the speech of your typical three year old.  Then in God's kindness, He reminded me that our sweet girl, though not your "typical" three year old was made just right.  God had a plan for her, the "perfect" plan.  She had a job to do here on earth.  God calls some to do a job for many years, others a few years and some maybe just hours, but all just as important as the other.

I have to keep in my heart and mind that Alana was a gift to our family and many others.  I have to remember that she was the tool that God used to bring me closer to Him.  I have to remember that she touched so many lives, known and unknown.  I have to remember that she brought a joy to our lives like none other.  I have to remember that infectious smile she had that just warmed your heart.  I have to remember how she has inspired people to do something they thought they could never do, including myself.  I have to remember how Alana was an example of God's love.  God knows, God knows.

                                         ________________________________


If you haven't heard, Ashlee our oldest daughter was excepted into the music program at Southeastern University.  She did receive a music scholarship.  Praise God.  The next event coming up for her is the Detroit, MI trip.  She will be competing for nationals the first week in August.  If you go on www.youtube.com and put in Ashlee Feliciano you can see her sing the song that she will be singing for nationals.  I have to remember that Alana has helped to inspire Ashlee to use her beautiful gift for the Lord.

God is good.


















                 

All is Well!

Praise the Lord, Antonio's surgery went well. Both doctors involved were quite pleased.  Antonio's subglottic stenosis has improved.  This is the narrowing in his airway that I have mentioned before.  Instead of being more than 30% narrow, it is now only about 15% narrow.  What an answer to prayer!!  As far as his gallbladder, that is now gone.  The gallbladder did show inflammation and of course "stones".

Antonio is now recovering nicely at home. He is in some discomfort, but is handling the pain well.  The one thing about my little guy is that he always has a smile on his face, no matter how bad he is feeling.  What a brave little boy he was!

When the nurse came to tell us it was time for Antonio to go to the OR my heart sank.  My little man was all smiles and I was in turmoil.  I kept repeating over and over in my mind the verse in 2Timothy 1:7 " For God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind."  By God's grace I was able to keep it together.  I kissed my "boy" and then watched him drive away in a motorized car to the OR along side his daddy and the nurse, still with a smile on his face.

During the three hour wait for Antonio to come out of surgery my husband and I prayed and tried to keep ourselves busy.  It was a long three hours, but God is good and kept our hearts and minds stayed on Him.  When we were finally able to see him I did have a great sense of relief.

My husband and I want to thank you all for your prayers and words of encouragement.

On a different note, my husbands graphic novel is now out on the "stands".  It is called "Female Forces - Sonja Sotomayor".  The graphic novel can be purchased in comic book shops, Barnes and Nobles, Borders and through Amazon.com  The book is now in the Supreme Court Library in Washington.  My husband was quite honored by this gesture.

God is good.










 

 

Busy, Busy!!

   What a wild and crazy last two months.  Sometimes I feel like I can hardly breath.  At least it is a good busy.

   Like I mentioned in my last post, Ashlee competed in another vocal solo on April 23rd.  She did quite well and will be going to Nationals on Aug.1-7.  Nationals will be held in Detroit, MI.  My husband and me and the two little one's will be accompanying Ashlee to the competition.  We are looking forward to the trip.  It will be a very intense week for Ashlee.  This competition has hundreds of contestants.

   After she competed on April 23rd, she and I caught a plane out to FL that evening.  We flew to FL because she had a vocal audition at 10:07am on the 24th at the college see will be attending in the fall.  This audition is for a scholarship towards her college.  I do have to say, the music professors were impressed with Ashlee.  I heard her sing her opera piece through the door and it was beautiful.  God gave her the grace to do all the singing that she has had to do in the last two months.  We are still waiting to hear if she was awarded scholarship money.  We are hoping and praying!!!

   Right now Ash is on her senior high class trip.  She left last Fri. and will be back this Sat.  Yes, it is hard to believe we have a third child graduating from high school.  Ashlee graduates on June 6, 2010 from Emmanuel Christian Academy.

   The trip to FL with my daughter, Ashlee was a wonderful trip.  We were able to stay with a friend of mine from junior high.  She and her family live in Lakeland, FL, the same town that the college is located in.  It puts my mind at ease knowing that Ash has people that she knows in town.  Well anyways, like I said we had a wonderful time staying in their home.  We were able to visit a the church that the family goes to.  Ashlee and I loved it.  It is called First Baptist at the Mall.  This is the biggest church she and I have ever seen.  It has over 8,000 members.  The church holds three Sunday morning services.  Ashlee also will have a job at the church, working with special needs children.  My friends husband got Ash the job.  It has been such a blessing how God has been working everything out regarding Ashlee's college choice.  She and I can see that Lord's hand in all things regarding her schooling.

   We also went to the beach, Anna Marie Island.  It was overcast and extremely windy, but was had a wonderful time.  The bad thing is Ashlee, my friends twin girls and I got sunburned, especially Ash.  We didn't realize that overcast days cause sunburns quicker and more sever.  On another day, Ash and I spent the day at Southeastern University.  We got a tour of the campus and she was able to sit in on a private vocal lesson.  The campus is absolutely beautiful.  The dorms are pristine, the cafeteria looks like a restaurant and the food is amazing.  The professors and the students were very friendly and helpful.  The most important thing my daughter and I loved about the college was the love for the Lord that was evident on the campus.  What a blessing that was.  Directly in the middle of the campus is a very large bronze statue of Jesus washing Peter's feet.  Our tour guide was telling us that the statue is the heart beat of the college.  He said we strive to have the students graduate from this college with a servant's heart.  He said you cannot serve and love God like you should if you do not have a servants heart.  How right he is.

   Here are some pictures of our trip to FL.

    Next Wednesday May 12th, Antonio, our 8 year old will be having his surgery.  His gallbladder will be removed.  Yes, he has gallstones.  Before the surgeon begins his surgery, ENT(ear, nose, and throat) will be doing a bronchoscopy to check his airway status.  Antonio has mild subglottic stenosis(a narrowing in the airway).  Because he has to be intubated for the surgery, the surgeon wants to make sure there is not going to be any problems.  He also needs to know what size tubing to use to intubate him.  This is the part that I am a little nervous about.  Antonio has a very sensitive airway.  I am also having a hard time with another one of my children being in the hospital.  Everyday I ask the Lord to help me with the doubts that I have regarding his surgery and the fears that I have.  Please pray for Antonio and our family next Wed.

  Thank you for all your prayers.  Please continue to pray for the start of the foundation we will be starting.  God is good.

Just A Quick Note!!!

My daughter Ashlee, will be performing tomorrow in Agawam, MA.  She is in another Fine Arts Competition.  This competition is a huge one.  There are over 150 churches involved.  Ashlee will be singing another vocal solo.  When that competition is over she and I will be catching a flight out to Lakeland, FL at 6:05pm.  We are flying to Southeastern University where she will be singing for a vocal scholarship to the college.  Yes, there is a lot going on in such a short period of time.

Tomorrow she will be singing "Imagine Me Without You", by Jaci Velasquez.  On Saturday she has to perform two pieces.  They are, "On My Own", from the broadway play Les Miserables and "Batti, Batti", an opera piece.  She sings them so beautifully.

My seven year old, Antonio, sang in his homeschool fine arts program today.  He did such a wonderful job.  He sang, "I'm a Soldier of the Cross".  I hope to post the video soon.  My husband missed recording most of the song because he was intently watching Antonio and forgot to press the play button.

Please pray for my daughter, Ashlee.  Pray that she does not forget the words of her music and that she sings with the power of God behind her.  Also, please continue to pray for Eithene Rose, the little girl with many health issues that my little Alana had.

God is good.

Alana's Art Gallery

These are some of Alana's artwork that she did while in the PICU at Mt. Sinai.  She loved to paint.  It made her feel happy.

My husband named all of Alana's pictures.  The first picture is called, "It on Pink", next is "Alana's Many Colors, then "Purple Tracks", followed by, "Green Graffiti", then "See Red Three", and lastly "Ana Alana".

 



There is one more picture that is very special to me.  This picture she and I did the Monday before she passed away.  This was the special day that I spoke about in one of my earlier posts.  It is called, "Remember Me".

It warms my heart to look at these pictures again.  She sure was a good "little artist", just like her daddy.

God is good.

God Grace is Sufficient!

     Sorry it has been a few days since I have last posted.  I wanted to let you all know that Alana's birthday was such a special day.  Let me tell you about it:

     We still do have the Foundation up and running, but we both wanted to do something special on the anniversary of Alana's birthday.  I went to Toys R US and bought a Bubble Maker(which was shaped like a lion) and some extra bubbles.  I then packaged the toy in a birthday gift bag and brought it to CCMC(CT Children's Medical Center).  I was able to witness the giving of the gift that my husband and I had purchased to a sweet little child.  What joy there was on the child's face when those bubbles starting spitting out of the lion mouth.  What joy it gave me to see how happy the child was.  This is exactly why my husband and I want to have this foundation(Alana's Bubbles for Joy Foundation) up and running.  We want to make many more children happy by simply handing them a gift of bubble toys.  Please keep us in your prayers as we get the foundation going.

     My daughter, Ashlee will be competing in another vocal solo competition on Apr. 9.  It she advances to the next round, that will be on Apr.23.  The week of Apr.12th she will be headed to SC for nationals.  This trip is in regards to her winning states and regionals.  The evening of Apr. 23 she and I will be headed to Lakeland, FL to audition for a vocal scholarship.  The audition is held at Southeastern University where Ashlee will be attending in the fall.  She has a lot of singing to do this month.  Again I ask for your prayers for my daughter.  She needs strength and a healthy voice.

     Many of you know that my 7 year old son Antonio, was scheduled for surgery back in November '09 to have gallbladder removed because he has gallstones.  The surgery had to be canceled because Alana was in the hospital in NY quite sick.  We simply could not have one child in the hospital in NY and the other in the hospital in CT.  Well, now he needs to have the surgery.  The gallstones have gotten larger and he is now showing symptoms.  He has been complaining of a pain on the right side of his abdomen, a tell-tale sign.  There will be three doctors involved in his surgery, ENT, the surgeon and GI.  Antonio has what is called "subglottic stenosis.  This is a narrowing in the airway.  The surgeon will not do the surgery unless he knows that Antonio's airway is safe, thus ENT.  ENT will perform a bronchoscopy, which is inserting a tube through the mouth with a camera at the end of it to see if the airway does not have to much scar tissue. Antonio has had many upper and lower airway issues.  Hopefully, all is well and the surgeon can proceed safely with his surgery.  GI will be doing an endoscopy and a colonoscopy during this surgery time.  Antonio will be getting the works.  Please keep our little guy in you prayers.  It's going to be tough to have another one of our little ones in the hospital again.

     Yes, there are many things that will be going on in April.  We will definitely need God's grace.  It's a good thing that God's grace is abundant, we seem to need it a lot.

     I want to say I hope you all have a wonderful Easter or Resurrection Sunday.  I love Easter because of what our Lord sacrificed for us.  His death, burial and resurrection.  It's a wonderful day to remind us that we serve a living God.

   God is good.










     

     

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALANA!!!

    Today would have been our sweet Alana's 3rd birthday.  She just missed it by three months.  I must say, that I am blessed to have had her for the 2 1/2 years that we did.  It seems that she lived a life time in those few short years.

   I want today to be a day of remembering all the wonderful memories about Alana.  There were so many good memories.  As I am typing this post, I can hear her little giggles in my mind and I can see her sweet, sweet smile.  I can picture her doing her little scootching on her bottom across the floor.  I can also hear her call my name and say, "Mama, pot, pot, pot."  That was her way of telling me she had to go potty.

   For the last several days one particular memory keeps replaying in my mind.  Whenever that medical supply company to drop off Aubree and Alana's medical supplies, Alana would get very excited.  I would plop down the two or three boxes of medical supplies and Alana would empty out all the contents of the boxes onto the floor.  She would then proceed to put everything back into the boxes.  It made her quite happy to play with the medical supplies.  She would play like this for hours.  I think I replay this memory in my mind over and over because she was so very content playing with the boxes and supplies and I can still picture her content little face in my mind.

   My husband and I have yet to get the foundation that we are going to be starting up and running.  I was hoping to have it going by her birthday.  But, despite the delay I will be bringing a bubble toy to Connecticut Children's Medical Center for a sick child there in Alana's memory.  Bubbles made her happy and we would love to make another child just as happy.

   Thank you all for your continued prayers for our family.  We love you all.

   God is good.

Forever Memories and Gifts of Love

   The memorial service on Friday was quite special.  It was a bittersweet event as a friend of mine mentioned.  In one sense it was hard to go back the hospital where we lost our daughter but on the other hand all those involved in Alana's care became part of our lives.  Many are like family to us.

   Many members of the transplant team either stopped by to us or were able to stay for the service.  It meant a lot to my husband and myself to see the team.  I could see in their hearts how much Alana had touched each one of them.  Each of them told us how much they miss Alana and what a special little girl she was.

   We were able to see many of the nurses who took care of Alana.  Evelyn spoke at the memorial service and told about how much Alana meant to her.  She was one of Alana's favorite nurses.  Alana would always do her little dances when Evy took care of her.  This nurse has become a good friend to our family.  The social worker from the transplant team also spoke.  She too was touched by Alana's life.

   We were able to show that staff Alana's video that we had shown at her funeral back home.  All were very touched by the video of her life.  Many had not seen what she was like before she became very sick.  I'm glad that it brought joy and laughter to their hearts.

   My mother, my oldest sons godparents and four of my children(plus a girlfriend) were able to travel to NY for the memorial service.  My mother was touched by how much love the nurses and doctor's had for Alana and our family.  I was glad she was able to be at the service.

   When the service was over one of the ladies from the child life department handed me a beautiful flowered box.  I had forgotten about the contents in the box.  Inside the box were the molds we had made of Alana's hand and foot the day she went home to be with Jesus.  I cannot express to you the feelings that welled up inside of me.  The hand and foot molds showed every little crease and crinkle of her skin.  It looks almost perfect.  I just wish I could tell you in words how much that gift means to my husband and myself.

    Thank you Child Life Department at Mt. Sinai for this special and most amazing gift.

   Here is a look of the program for Alana's memorial service.  The child life department did all the planning of the service.  They all did such a wonderful job.  Thank you all again.  Dana, Dawn, Angie and many others, you made March 19, 2010 a special day forever in our hearts.

God is good.