Memorial Service

   We will be heading to NY tomorrow morning around 7:30 for Alana's memorial service.  My husband, four of our children, my son's girlfriend, my mother and my oldest son's god-parents will be attending the service.  I pray all goes well.

   The Childlife department at Sinai has done such a wonderful job getting all the details of the service together. They have all worked together with my husband and myself  to get this memorial on its feet.  Even through this, I have seen the love that this hospital had for our daughter.  Alana was so loved.  As her mama that makes me so proud.

   Please pray that we have a safe trip to NY and that all that is done will be to God's honor and glory.  I will let you all know how it went over the weekend.  Thank you all for your prayers.

   Please continue to pray for little Eithene, she is really struggling.  Keep her family in your prayers also.

   GOD IS GOOD


 

Alana's Foundation

   Sorry that I did not post right back.  Had a little computer trouble.  As I had mentioned before, we did go to NH to hear our daughter Ashlee compete for vocal solo.  Praise God, she won first place for states and regionals.  We have never heard her sound so beautiful.  Before Ash walked up to perform she whispered to both my husband and myself, "I'm going to sing this for Lala."  That was her nickname for her sister, Alana.  Of course we both started to cry.  I pleaded with the Lord to please let Ashlee get herself together so that she could sing.  God is good.  In a few weeks she will be traveling to SC to perform for nationals.  We are all quite excited.

   As for my volleyball, we also won on the night of my daughters competition.  We are now into the semi-finals.  We were the sixth place team out of 16 teams in the league and beat the third place team last Thursday.  What a great game it was.  I know this Thursdays match will be just as exciting.

   A couple of posts ago, I had mentioned that my husband and I want to start a foundation in Alana's name.  We were trying to think of a name for the foundation and how we were going to pursue this matter.  Well, we have a name, it is called, "Alana's Bubbles for Joy Foundation."  Our daughter absolutely loved bubbles.  For her birthday last March 26, we had gotten her a bubble maker.  It was in the form of two little bears that blew bubbles from its mouths.  Boy, did she love that toy.  What we are hoping to do is to raise either enough money to purchase bubbles and bubble toys or get donations of bubbles and bubble toys to donate them on her birthday each year to hospitalized children.  We would like to start with Connecticut Children's Medical Center and Mt Sinai Children's hospital in NY.  A friend of my husband is going to help out in getting this project up and running.  Please pray for us as we begin this project.  It means so much to me and my husband and we know it will be a blessing to many children.

   I wanted to also mention that we are getting started to foster children again.  All of our paperwork is in.  Our support worker will be at our house tomorrow to talk with us and go over our paperwork.  There are so many children out there with medical needs that need someone to care for them.  That is where my heart is.

   Many people ask me and my husband, "Are you sure you are ready?" or "Don't you think you need more time?"  I do understand their concern.  But, you know,  the grief of my daughter's death will always be there.  I can't sit around and wait for the grief to go away, because it won't.  We will miss her till we are someday reunited with her in heaven.  What I can do, is to continue on.  To continue on with God's grace, with his "Amazing Grace".  We want to honor our daughter by having and giving joy to others.

   As I get more information about the Foundation I will post about it.  Thank you all for your continued prayers.

A Trip!!

My husband, the two little ones and myself will be headed to NH tomorrow to see our oldest daughter compete for states and regionals.  She will be singing two vocal solo pieces, one sacred the other an opera piece.  Also, she will be singing in the choir and in a large vocal ensemble.  Ash is pretty nervous but I have faith that she will do well.  She loves to sing and her voice is like an angel.

This past Sunday morning Ashlee sang at my church.  She sang her sacred piece that she will be singing for competition.  It was beautiful.  The song blessed many peoples hearts.  Vocal Performance is what she will be majoring in when she goes to college in the fall.

Today my seven year old son started physical therapy.  He has been having trouble with pain behind his knees and leg stiffness.  He has never been able to run like your average 7 year old.  That too is causing some issues.  Upon evaluation the therapist did find quite a bit of stiffness from his hips to his ankles.  We are praying that with the proper exercise and therapy sessions all will improve.  Despite the discomfort, he always has a smile on his face.

I will let you know how my daughters competition turned out.  Please keep Ash and Antonio in your prayers.  Please continue to pray for little Eithene Rose, and Noah.  They both continue to struggle with many health issues.

God is in Control, Always!!

   This  has been a very  interesting week, but a wonderful one.  My husbands pastor's wife took me out to lunch this past Monday.  Yes, my husband goes to one church and I go to another.  It works!  Well, anyways what a wonderful time we had together.  What a blessing it was!!  Before we left our luncheon she handed me a gift bag which contained four very special gifts that just touched my heart so deeply.  One of the gifts was a Steven Curtis Chapman CD.  Back in 2008 he lost his adopted daughter to an accident.  The songs on the CD have truly touched me.  He sings about God being in control and trusting in Him, even through loosing a child.  What a beautiful testimony he has.  On the same note I met the parents of the young man that sang with my boys at Alana's funeral last night.  They have been wanting to talk with us for awhile, but was waiting for the Lord's timing.  Last night was God's timing.  They both let us know that they have been praying for us and that they understood our pain.  Many years ago this family has lost their two precious little girls in a house fire.  All of this was not be accident this week.  God has brought us together to encourage each other and to share how good God is.  What a blessing!!

   Well, my daughter is gearing up to compete next Thursday in NH for her vocal solos, choir and small vocal ensemble.  We are so looking forward to hearing her sing.  She will be singing at Truth Baptist Church tomorrow(my church) morning.  This is her sacred piece that she will be singing.  She also has an opera piece that is in Italian that she will be singing when she competes next week.  Please pray that she stays healthy.

   Alana's birthday is coming up on the 26th of this month.  I would like to start some type of charity in her name.  God has impressed on my heart to give a birthday gift on her birthday to a child who is sick. I would like to do this every year on her birthday.  Right now I am trying to figure out how to do this and what I can name the charity.  I think about it all the time but just don't know how to go about it.  If any has a suggestion or has a name for the charity please share it with me.  Maybe the name can simply be "Alana's Gift", I'm just not sure.

I'd like to leave these verses with you and to continue to let you know that, God is good.

I am still confident of this: I will see the

goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.

Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart  and

wait for the Lord.

Psalms 27:13-14

Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed

is the man who takes refuge in him.

Psalms 34:8

Life Continues On!!

     We will be heading to Mt Sinai Children's Hospital in  NY on March 19th for Alana's memorial service.  That date has been changed many times, but this time its a good date.  I am looking forward to seeing all the nurses, doctors and Child Life people again.  At times I speak with some of them on the phone.  They were all such a big part of our lives.  Having this memorial will give the people that cared for Alana some closer.

     On March 11th my husband and I will be headed to New Hampshire to see our daughter Ashlee, compete in vocal solo, vocal group and choir.  This is her last year of high school and we are trying to make sure we do not miss the "big things."  We are both looking forward to hearing her sing.  The Lord has blessed her with such a beautiful voice.  It's hard to believe that we will have three children out of high school.  Time sure goes by quickly.

     Antonio has been doing well with his health.  This has been the best winter in about 4 years regarding his health.  I believe it is due to the fact that I now homeschool him.  When he was in school he would just pick up every illness that passed by him.  He is doing very well with his schooling.  I love teaching him.   Basketball is also going well with him.  Each week we see more and more improvements in his skills.  It is quite fun to see these 7 year olds "trying" to play basketball.  The kids love it whether or not they win or loose.

     Aubree is having the time of her life in gymnastics.  She cannot get enough if it.  She told her teacher she wanted to do it everyday, all day.  Right now she is going once a week, but I think she will start going twice a week.  The teacher said he would love to have Aubree twice a week.  He is amazed at her strength and flexibility.  I was telling a friend the other day, that when Aubree is out on the gymnastics floor she is a different person.  She is completely in her element.

     Our two older boys are doing well.  The second to oldest, Aaron, will be finishing up his sophomore year in college.  He is about to become an EMT in a few weeks.  We are all excited about that.  His goal is to be a doctor.  Aaron is also continuing on with his music along with his older brother, Austin.  Austin is now fully recovered from his finger surgery due to a shattered pinky finger.  He has been looking for a job for awhile now.  Hopefully soon a job will become available to him.  Please pray for Austin to get a job soon.

    God, in His faithfulness, continues to give us the strength that we need each and every day.  Some days are better than others, some weeks are better than others, some nights are better than others.  God is good.

     These are our three beautiful older children.  From left to right, Aaron 20, Ashlee 18, and Austin 21.

Brokenhearted!!

   This has been by far the most difficult week thus far since Alana's death.  The pain just seems to hit without any warning.  It has been almost unbearable at times with loosing my baby.  All the old feeling that I had thought where gone came flooding back, especially anger.  Not anger towards God but just over the fact that she is not here.  Yet, I would never want her to have to suffer like she did.

   Yesterday was particularly difficult.  It is now 2 months since Alana has been gone.  I could not stop crying and I felt like I could not deal with any of this anymore.  Once again, God is so faithful.  I felt His warm arms around me, letting me know that I can continue on.  God brought to my mind, my children, my husband my family, my friends and how much they all care and pray.

   I did feel bad for having all these feelings of anger, sadness, and despair in my heart but my mother let me know that it is okay and that it is normal to go through this.  My mother knows first hand about loosing someone.  Her husband, my father and her father, my grandfather have both passed away in the past five years.

   I friend of my husband sent us a book titled, Devotions for the Brokenhearted Hope for the Grieving.  I just started reading the book.  The person who wrote the book, knew first hand about loosing a child.  God gave that family the strength to continue on and I know that it will happen for me and my family.  It just takes time.

...Because God has said,

"Never will I leave you;

never will I forsake you."

So we say with confidence,

"The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid..."

Hebrews 13:5-6

  

   

   Thank you for praying for my friend Kasey.  She is doing better, but still needs your prayers.  Thank you.

God is good.

Out of the Mouth of Babes!!

 

Aubree(2/4/10): "Alana is sad she wants to come down from the clouds."  I respond; "Alana is with Jesus now, she will not be coming back."  "Oh", said Aubree.

Aubree(2/11/10): Aubree has been singing for 20 minutes a song that she made up about Alana while she was playing in her room.  The words were simply, "Alana, come down."  She sang just these three words over and over.  I finally went to her room to ask her what she was singing.  Her response was, "A song."  I asked her is she could sing it for me.  At first she was shy about it, but eventually she sang it again.  I asked Aubree why she wanted Alana to come down.  Her answer was so very sweet.  "I want Alana to come play with me, I have all my piggy's out and other toys.  She needs to play in my room."  Once again, I had to tell her Alana is with Jesus and will not be coming back.  "Oh", she said again.

Antonio and Aubree(2/12/10): This was a conversation that the two of them had in my car as I was driving.  "Aubree, did you know that Alana's body is here, but her soul is in heaven?  She is watching us.  She is in our car right now, right over there."  "Where", said Aubree.  "We can't see her, but she is here.  When we die then we can go to heaven and she Alana," said Antonio.  "She is not coming back!", said Aubree.  "I know that Aubree, she is in heaven walking perfectly, jumping rope and she can talk right.  She can say, Antonio, Aubree and other words like a big person.  She doesn't talk like a baby anymore."

I love to here these conversations that the little one's have about Alana.  In one way it is helping to heal my broken heart.  Children are just so simple and uncomplicated.  Their minds do not get all mixed up and wrapped up in the sorrows of the world.  They seem to just move on.  I have been trying to look through their eyes when I am feeling overwhelmed at times with Alana's death.  I am thankful for my two little one's.  They don't even know that they are helping their mother.  God works in mysterious ways.  God is good.